Pamela
by Jenn11
Summary: Pamela's dying . . . but still has time to try and help Lex and tell Clark a few things. Later, Lex reaction to losing her.
1. Default Chapter

A/N I always thought the story of what happened to Pamela would be interesting, and that she could tell Clark more about Lex. So here goes my view of it. . . It starts the first several paragraphs from the episode CRUSH. I take no credit for that work, it was done by the creative show writers. I think this story will be about 6 chapters. Review please!  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Lex entered Pamela's hospital room with the book she had been looking through at the mansion. He set the book on the bedside table.  
  
Pamela was amazed to see him. "You're the last person I expected to see."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Asked Lex.  
  
"It's not your concern. "  
  
Lex was not happy with that answer. "It's not my concern that you're dying? I could help you. I can get you treatment. "  
  
"I didn't come to you for help or pity. I came because I have nothing left to lose. The truth is, I'm ashamed that it took metastasizing to give me the courage. I let that bastard frighten me into submission for so long. I was too scared to even tell you just once... how much you mean to me. How much I wanted to help you grow up. "  
  
"I wish you had. I might be a better man," Lex said with complete sincerity; he knew himself, knew the man he was, a man he didn't always like very much.  
  
"The fact that you're here speaks volumes about the man that you are. Your mother would be proud."  
  
"I really miss her," was the only answer Lex could give.  
  
"So do I." Agreed Pamela as she reached for Lex's hand and he took it. After a time he gently squeezed her hand then stood. "I have to go talk to the Doctors about getting you moved to Metropolis. There's a good Cancer Center just outside the City. I'd like you to let me set you up there?"  
  
"Alexander. I told you. . ." Lex interrupted, "I know, and I believe you. But I should have believed in you a long time ago instead of listening to my father's lies."  
  
She heard the anger and guilt in his voice. Anger at his father for lying, and at himself for believing those lies. "I will not let you help me out of guilt. I have enough stock left to take care of myself."  
  
"It's not just guilt. Please believe me. You were right when you said we were close. Let me help you for old times sake." By the end his tone was somewhere between a command and a plea.  
  
She nodded slightly. "For old times sake."  
  
He smiled at her and walked out, promising to return in a moment after speaking with the doctors. As he walked back to the room he saw a familiar face. "Clark. What brings you here?"  
  
"Whitney's dad. How about you?"  
  
After considering for a moment Lex motioned Clark to follow him. "Come see for yourself."  
  
Pamela looked up from the book as they entered, and smiled uncertainly.  
  
"Pam, I'd like to introduce you to a good friend of mine. Clark Kent. Clark this is Pamela."  
  
Clark smiled, "Nice to meet you."  
  
"And you. Sit down boys."  
  
Clark's eyes widened slightly, no one called Lex a boy, no one. He wondered exactly who this woman was. Even Lex usual cool façade couldn't hide the concern and care he felt for her. As they sat he thought back to what Lex had said earlier. "I've only loved two women in my life. One died and the other betrayed me." He knew the one who died was Lex mother, could this be the one who betrayed him?  
  
Pamela's question got his attention. "How do you two know each other?"  
  
Lex got a slightly sheepish look on his face, a rare sight. "I was driving, too fast, and crashed over the side of a bridge into the river. Clark jumped in and saved me."  
  
It was Clark's turn to look sheepish. "Anyone would have done the same," he tried to dodge. "Lex has helped me out a few times since then. He sent me a new truck as a thank you gift."  
  
"Which you returned," Lex reminded him.  
  
"Not because I didn't want to keep it." Clark reminded him.  
  
Pamela smiled indulgently at Lex, but spoke to Clark. "He always was a bit extravagant. Never believed in moderation. In speed, gifts or emotions."  
  
"Should I go so you can really talk about me as if I'm not here?" Asked Lex in a wry tone.  
  
"'You know, that's not a bad idea." Clark joked back.  
  
"Don't even think about leaving, it's been to long since I've seen you."  
  
"I'll go and let you two catch up," volunteered Clark.  
  
"No, please stay."  
  
Clark decided to ask the question first in his mind. "So how do you know Lex?"  
  
"I'm not sure what Lex has told you. His Mother's health was not good for a long time. I was Lex, nanny, I guess would be the term. But mostly I just helped Lillian and did the things her health wouldn't allow her to."  
  
"She was like an Aunt to me. Mom and I did not consider her "hired help". "  
  
"Let me take a wild guess and say your father did?"  
  
Pam laughed. "I see you've met Lionel."  
  
"He let Mom have her way, and it didn't affect him much since he wasn't around much," was Lex, far to casual, response.  
  
Time passed quickly as they talked and laughed. Clark was amazed, he'd never seen Lex so relaxed and at ease, it was a good sight.  
  
They were interrupted by the ringing of Lex phone. After a quick conversation he stood. "I have to go. I'm sorry, Pam." The other two could easily read the genuine regret in his eyes and hear it in his voice.  
  
"Like you told me, you're a busy young man. Will I see you later?" She asked in a hopeful voice.  
  
"Yes. This shouldn't take more than a couple hours." He turned to Clark. "Can I give you a ride home?"  
  
"No thanks. I got the old truck."  
  
"If Clark doesn't mind I could still use the company."  
  
"I don't mind," came Clark's immediate reply.  
  
Lex sighed mock-dramatically. "I don't guess there's anything left you can say behind my back that you haven't said in front of me." He then turned serious. "Clark, do me a favor and make sure she gets some rest."  
  
"OK."  
  
Once Lex had gone Pam looked carefully at the young man across from her. "I'm glad Lex has a friend like you here." At Clark's questioning look she continued, "I heard the stories of him in Metropolis, saw the news articles, he ran with a wild crowd. Did anything to get his father's attention and try to tarnish the Luthor name. It's good to see he's found a place here, and a good friend."  
  
"He's a good guy."  
  
"Yes, he is. Which is an amazing feat considering who he was raised by. I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to see Lionel hasn't corrupted him totally. I wish I could have been there but Lionel wouldn't allow it. What is Lex like now?"  
  
Clark thought for a minute before answering. "He's complicated. I think there's a lot to him he doesn't let others, even his friends, see." Clark didn't tell her he also had secrets he didn't tell his friends. In that he figured he and Lex were even, and he didn't hold it against his friend. He also couldn't forget Ryan telling him Lex had a lot of darkness he kept hidden from the world. Clark figured that had a lot to do with his father, and hoped that away from his father it would lessen. He remembered something Lex had told him that he could share. "He once told me he'd do anything to help his friends, and I believe that."  
  
"Even having just met you, I can tell you're a good influence on him. Thank you. And I want to ask you a favor. Don't give up on him. I don't think his father is through with him and he'll need help to fight that. He'll need a friend. He doesn't want to admit that he needs anyone, but he does, we all do, and for a long time he's had no one. I'm glad he has you now."  
  
"Thank you, and I will try to help him."  
  
"That's all I can ask. I wish I could be here to do it myself."  
  
"Can I ask what's wrong?"  
  
"Cancer."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"No need to be. At least it gave me a reason, and a chance, to see Alexander again."  
  
Clark tried to reassure her. "If it makes you feel better, he does love you."  
  
"What makes you say that?"  
  
"I was asking him for advise on women, he told me he'd loved two women in his life. One was his mother, the other was you; he didn't say your name, but it was you."  
  
"Thank you. That helps, but I know he hated me for years, and he deserved to. I abandoned him, left him to his father. But I didn't have a choice, Lionel is very good at getting what he wants and he wants Lex to be just like him, it's why I worried about Lex. That's why Lionel sent me away, so Lex would be his son not his mother's."  
  
"He still loves and misses her. Even gone she's been a force for good in his life. I think her memory is part of why he fights his father so hard."  
  
"I'm glad."  
  
Their conversation stopped when the nurse entered. "Time for your medicine."  
  
"I'll go and let you get some rest. It was really nice to meet you."  
  
"I hope I'll se you again."  
  
Clark answered her with a nod as he left. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N OK, here is Chapter 2, sorry it's so short. Chapter 3 will be up soon, and is MUCH longer. Review please!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Chloe looked up as she heard someone enter the Torch office. She was surprised to see Lex Luthor standing just inside the door. "Lex, what brings you here? Looking for Clark?"  
  
"No, actually, I was looking for you. You seem to know more about the meteor rocks than anyone."  
  
She smiled at him. "Flattery will get you everywhere. What did you need to know about them?"  
  
"First, can we keep this conversation off the record? I'd rather it not end up as an article in the Torch or a picture on the. . . "Wall of Weird" I believe you called it."  
  
Seeing he was serious her smile faded. "OK. You have my attention, and it's off the record."  
  
"Have you found anything about the meteor rocks healing people? Specific diseases or conditions?"  
  
"Conditions?" Chloe asked, wanting more detail.  
  
Lex decided he might as well explain. From what he knew of her father, and Clark's friendship with her, he figured he could trust her; at least, as much as he trusted anyone. "Medical conditions, like asthma. I had it as a child, but the day of the meteor shower I lost my hair and was cured of my asthma."  
  
Chloe's eye's lit with interest at new information on the meteor rocks. "And you think it may have been the meteors that healed you?"  
  
"It's something I've considered. I wondered if there were any similar cases reported."  
  
"So why wait till now to investigate?"  
  
"If it worked one miracle, I'm hoping it can work another."  
  
Chloe thought for a moment to put the pieces together. "Who's sick?" Worry had crept into her voice and Lex heard it.  
  
"A friend. No, not Clark. Don't worry, he's fine. You don't know her. And she's not just sick; she's dying, so I'm grasping at straws. Anything that might help."  
  
"I'm sorry, Lex. She must mean a lot to you. But this is the first time I've heard of the rocks healing someone. People who were around, and young, when they hit seem not to get serious illnesses. But it doesn't sound like that could help your friend."  
  
"No; but thank you."  
  
"I've never known to look for that connection. I'll try it and let you know if I find anything."  
  
"I'd appreciate that. I'll see you later." Lex turned and left feeling even more depressed than when he had arrived. He knew he should get back to the plant, and work, but instead turned toward the Cancer Treatment Center he'd arranged for Pamela to stay at. 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N OK, here is Chapter 3, sorry it took so long. It takes place about a week after the events of the Season 1 Finale and Season 2 first ep aka the tornado(s). Review please!  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Pamela was concerned about Lex. He'd sounded. . . different, was the only word she could think to use, on the phone when he'd called to tell her he was all right. She knew that could just be the stress of having been through the tornados, but she sensed it was more than that. He'd promised to come visit her when he could, but that had been a week ago.  
  
Almost as if her thoughts had summoned him he came through the door. His appearance confirmed her fears, especially the look in his eyes. Of course, he was impeccably dressed, as always, but below the surface he was not doing well. She decided to skip the small talk, she no longer had time for it. "What happened, Alexander?"  
  
After the week he'd been through Lex didn't have the inclination to lie. "I almost let my father die. I shot a man. I approved an operation that left my father blind. And I almost lost Clark's trust and friendship."  
  
"All that in one week? Well. That's impressive. Even for you." Pam teased, trying to get him to smile.  
  
"All in one day. The rest of this week has been dealing with the aftermath."  
  
"Why don't you give that list again, one item at a time. But first, sit down and breathe."  
  
Lex followed her instructions, then began. "I almost let my father die."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"The tornado hit. He was trapped and a support beam was about to fall on him. I almost left him there. I came within seconds of letting him be killed. The worst part is. . . that part of me wanted to. I thought about how much simpler my life would be if he died, how easy. Luthor Corps would be mine, no strings attached."  
  
"But you saved him. Your good side won. It's stronger than the darkness in you. Darkness Lionel planted. If you had done nothing, and he'd died, it would have been his own fault for what he's done to you. Poetic Justice, I'd say. You did the right thing. Your mother would be very proud of you. I'm proud of you."  
  
"Thank you. That . . . means a lot to me. This may sound strange, but I think it might have been mom. It was almost like I could feel her there. Urging me forward, encouraging me to move. Does that sound crazy?"  
  
"No. It sounds like her. I believe in guardian angels, and I believe your mother is your guardian angel. And right then, she was guarding your soul. It would have been badly damaged if you'd stood by and watched your father die. And I don't mean that your mother was there as a ghost, those I don't believe in. She's in your heart, your memories of her. Just as you are your father's son, you are also your mother's son. And her son could not let his father die."  
  
Lex considered what she said for a moment. "I suppose it's possible. I've never thought of it that way, but I think you might be right. She is a part of me. I do have a heart, and I don't think I got that from father."  
  
They shared a knowing look.  
  
"So what was number two?"  
  
"I shot a man. He was holding a gun on Clark's father, so I shot him."  
  
"You think he would really have shot Clark's dad?"  
  
"I know he would have." Lex answered with complete confidence.  
  
"You saved a man's life."  
  
"By taking the life of another man."  
  
"Who was a would be murderer. Why was he going to kill Clark's dad?"  
  
Lex looked away from her. "That's where things get complicated. He was a reporter. He, unofficially, worked for me. After the accident where Clark saved me some things didn't add up. I had him investigated. I'm the one who set the reporter onto the Kent's. I told him to quit, that I was done with the investigation, but he kept digging. I warned him not to do anything to hurt Clark or his family, but he didn't listen. He said he had more information, and part of me wanted to know what it was. That's why I almost lost Clark's trust, and his friendship. I acted like I didn't know Nixon, the reporter, but then Clark heard me talking to him. He thought I was trying to find Nixon and get information on him, instead of trying to help him find his dad. They'd disappeared together during the tornados."  
  
"Who were you looking for?" Lex looked her in the eyes again. "Clark's dad. Having come so close to losing mine . . ."  
  
"You didn't want your friend to lose his. You did what you had to do."  
  
"Strangely, me killing Nixon may be what saved the friendship," Lex noted with a small, wry smile. "It convinced Clark, and his father, that I care more about being Clark's friend and helping them than about getting information on them."  
  
"Again, this sounds like it was a good thing in the end. If Clark is any indication, his father is a good man, and from what you told me Nixon wasn't. If one of them had to die, you made the right choice. Killing is never good, but don't let it convince you that *you* aren't good."  
  
"I'll try," agreed Lex.  
  
"You said something about approving a surgery?" Pamela prompted him.  
  
"Yes. The options were to wait until he stabilized and risk more damage during that time, or to operate and hope the surgery worked. I said to operate, but the surgery *didn't* work. He'd told me that it would have been better to let him die."  
  
She shook her head slightly. "Alexander, he had just learned he was blind. He was in shock. He wasn't reacting rationally, he was lashing out. He was trying to hurt you, and he did. Like they say, misery loves company. You had a choice to make and you made it; and you should know better than most that often there are no good choices, only hard ones. Now, the last one. Almost losing Clark's trust, and the friendship. I think the key word is ALMOST. You came close to losing it but you didn't. You saved his father."  
  
"Who was almost killed by the guy I had turned onto them. And I did lie to Clark about knowing the guy."  
  
"You warned the man to stay away from them?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You warned Clark to stay away from him?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Then you did what you could. You can't always control other people. You do tend to be a control freak, Alexander. But you can't control everything, or everyone. It's not possible, even for a Luthor. I'm saying this to try and help you, not hurt you. You hate when your father tries to control you, but you try to control other people. It's something your father taught you."  
  
"I know. I can't seem to help it."  
  
"I know, so back to the trust issue. Why did you lie to Clark?"  
  
"I didn't want him to know I was connected to someone like Nixon."  
  
"But you told me you'd already admitted to having him investigated."  
  
"Yes. But he never knew the details. I. . . value his friendship, his. . .respect. I didn't want to lose that."  
  
"The ends justify the means. Hardly original, Alexander. And the lie you told to keep his friendship, almost cost you his friendship. Is it just me or is there a moral in that?" Asked Pamela in an arch tone.  
  
"OK. OK. Enough of the lecture, PLEASE. I'm convinced." Lex put his hands up, as if in surrender.  
  
" Alright. It's just that some people are more hard headed than others. And I know one who's right here in this room."  
  
"Pamela. . . Don't talk about yourself like that." Responded Lex in a mock- reproving tone.  
  
"Touche. At least you haven't lost your wit." She was pleased to see the haunted look in his eyes seemed to have faded. Now, she decided it was time for a change of topic, maybe some small talk.  
  
Lex left an hour later when he saw her tiring, felling much better than when he had arrived. She always seemed to have that effect on him, he mused. He also couldn't miss the irony of *her* comforting *him* when she was the one dying. 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N THANK YOU! For the reviews. This Chapter is Pam explaining Lex to Clark. Chapter 5 will be her and Lex saying good-bye and Lex reaction to losing her. I promise I'll try to have it up in a couple days.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Clark smiled warmly as he walked into Pam's room. "Hi. Mind some company?" He couldn't help but notice that she'd lost weight and seemed more fragile than the last time he'd visited her.  
  
"Please, come in." Pam greeted as she returned his smile. "I was glad when Lex said you made it through the tornado unhurt." The smile lit her features till she looked much better, almost well.  
  
"Thanks; but, uh. . . could we talk about something else?" Requested Clark as he sat in the chair near her bed.  
  
"Of course. Like what?"  
  
"What was Lex like as a kid?"  
  
"Well, you already know he loved his mother. He spent as much time as he could with her, especially once her health got bad. He didn't act up in school or rebel, as I heard he later did. He was always very smart and did exceptionally well in all his classes. He has a very disciplined intellect. He loved how proud of him that made her, he was still young enough to hope it would one day win him his father's approval and love. Did he tell you about his brother?"  
  
Clark nodded. "Julian. Yeah, he told me a little. That he loved him and felt like a family." Clark hesitated for a moment then finished, "he also said his father would have poisoned the relationship."  
  
"Yes. He's right that Lionel would have destroyed the relationship, but he was to young to understand that then. When he found out his mother was pregnant, he got so excited; like only little boys can." A gentle smile crossed her face at the memory.  
  
"He loved the idea of having a brother or sister. He went shopping with his mother, helped decorate the nursery. Lionel was happy as well, he stayed around a bit more than normal, took fewer trips. It really was almost like a true family for them. Once Julian arrived he was held almost constantly by one of the three. We were all devastated by his death."  
  
She paused for a moment. "Let's talk about something else."  
  
"Like any good stories I can use to tease him with?" Clark asked in an attempt to lighten the mood.  
  
"Like maybe your friendship. Last time Alexander was here, he was very upset that he'd almost lost your friendship and trust."  
  
"You think I should trust him?"  
  
Pam thought for a moment, wanting to give an honest answer. "To a degree. Trust him, just not without question. Flat-out lying isn't Alexander's style. Which isn't to say he's not capable of perjuring himself six ways to Sunday without so much as a twitch of an eyelid. He is. But his preferred modus operandi is evasion, avoidance or omission. If the individual attempting to question him is less than precise in his phrasing. . ."  
  
"I think I see your point. That does sound like Lex."  
  
"Alexander has always had a way of getting what he wanted, no matter what it was. He got that from his father and it can make him dangerous. I'm not telling you not to be his friend, just the opposite, but to be his friend means accepting the bad with the good. Besides, I asked you to watch out for him, and you can't do that if you don't know what to watch out for, or what you're up against. Alexander is not only aware of how power is used, but is used to wielding it himself. His grasp of "political" realities is superb. His father's seen to that."  
  
"But I've seen Lex use that power to do good. He's even used his father's influence for good. His dad owns the Metropolis Sharks. The man I was visiting the day we met was very sick. His son was our school quarterback and dreamed of playing for the Sharks with his dad watching. Lex arranged it so he could. He said something like it was easy to do when your dad owns the team. He's also used his own money and power to help me and my friends."  
  
"I'm glad to hear that. To know he can use some of what his father taught him for good. That he's willing to help people. But keep in mind that power is a double edged sword where Alexander is concerned. He can use it either way. I know there are things he isn't telling me, but I'm not going to push him, that will only push him away."  
  
"How do you know him so well? I thought you hadn't seen him in years?"  
  
"I hadn't Clark. But I've read the papers, watched the news. And some things never change. I also know Alexander well enough to read him, it's not easy, but it's possible, if you know what to look for."  
  
The conversation ended as the nurse walked into the room. Clark stood up and moved to make room for her near Pam. "I'd better get going. I'll come visit again when I have the chance."  
  
"Thank you Clark. I'd like that."  
  
As Clark walked out Pamela turned her attention to the nurse.  
  
As Clark drove his family's old truck home he thought about what he'd learned. He now knew even better that he had to keep his powers secret from his friend. He would have to remember Pam's warning that power in Lex hands was a double edged sword. But he also felt more determined to help his friend, and try to encourage his good side. He tried, unsuccessfully, to keep his mind from wandering to the story of Kyle and Rickmond And the question he'd asked Lex of whether they'd one day end up as enemies.  
  
A/N:  
  
Ivy: Thank you. I also thought Lex needed someone to talk with. Nice to know someone else agrees.  
  
Polly: It just seemed like a loose end I wanted to "tie up" since they never followed through on it. It is, dare I say, fun, write a character who can put Lex in his place. Much as I love him, he needed that. Hope this part doesn't disappoint. Yes, the next chapter will be sad. I also wish Pam could live, but. . . Thank you for the compliments.  
  
Star: Glad you like this side of Lex, thanks. 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Again, THANK YOU! For the reviews. This should be the last chapter. I'm reposting this in the "right" (easier to read) format.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Lex hardly noticed the perfect June weather as he sped toward Metropolis. He knew he was going to fast, even by his standards, but today he didn't care. He kept hearing the phone call repeating in his head like a broken record.  
  
*You'd better come. She won't last long. She's waiting for you, holding on until you can get here.*  
  
The Doctor hadn't said more, but Lex knew what that "holding on" must be costing Pamela in terms of pain and effort. He'd seen it with his mother. Since the phone call his stomach felt like he had just gone through a long drop on a roller coaster, but this ride never seemed to stop. The sinking feeling went on and on. He finally slowed when he saw the Cancer Treatment Center that was his destination.  
  
As Lex hurried into Pamela's room he met her pain-filled eyes. "I came as soon as I could." He couldn't force himself to ask how she was; the answer was all-to- obvious.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"I . . . I'm going to miss you."  
  
She said nothing, just weakly stretched her arms toward him. He quickly stepped forward and gave her a gentle hug, receiving one from her as well, then carefully eased her back to a more comfortable position.  
  
"I don't have long. I feel it. Feel my body shutting down."  
  
"Are you in pain? At this point the medicine. . ."  
  
"Can't do much for me," interrupted Pamela. "I'm ready to go. I just. . . had to tell you two things. I need you to promise me that you will always remember them."  
  
"I promise," agreed Lex, looking directly into her eyes, so she could see the truth of his promise. One he had every intention of keeping, at the time; unaware of what the future held in store, forgetting where the road paved with good intentions leads.  
  
Satisfied, Pam continued, "One, that you were loved, by your mother and by me. Two, that you are a good man, your mothers son."  
  
Out of habit Lex faught back the tears that came to his eyes. He gave Pamela a slight smile; not his usual smirk, but a true, if sad, smile. Pam was glad to see it. It gave her hope for Lex's future. She then closed her eyes and let go of the pain.  
  
The last thing she heard was a quiet "I love you, Aunt Pam."  
  
As the monitor flat lined Lex was again reminded why he thought that sound was one of the worst. It was the sound of death. He gently kissed her hand then moved out of the way as a nurse and Doctor came in. The sound was mercifully silenced as the nurse shut off the equipment.  
  
"Doctor, you know the arrangements?"  
  
"Yes, Mr. Luthor. I'm . . . sorry for your loss."  
  
Lex forced his tone to stay even and calm. "Thank you. I'll leave you to your work."  
  
He spun on his heel and left before the doctor could see the tears forming in his eyes. Moments later, he angrily wiped a few that had escaped away before starting his car. Once away from the Center he floored the gas. He didn't even, consciously, chose a destination, just began to drive. It was almost half an hour before he realized he'd instinctively headed back to Smallville, not Metropolis. No matter how fast he went he couldn't escape the fact that Pam had died. Had he remembered how, he would have wept. He sped past the Mansion, not even considering turning in there. He finally slowed and pulled to a stop in front of the Kent farm.  
  
In the barn Jonathon heard the unmistakable sound of a sports car motor, the kind of car only one man in Smallville drove. Since he'd been about to go in for lunch anyway he left what he was doing and went out to greet Lex.  
  
He was surprised at what he saw. Lex calm, in control façade was in place, but his eyes. . . they were dark with agony. "What's wrong, Lex?"  
  
"Uh, is Clark here? I was hoping to speak with him."  
  
Jonathon wisely decided not to press the issue, but to wait for Clark. "Not at the moment. But he should be here soon for lunch. Why don't you come in." The last sentence came out not as a question, but an order, the kind a father might give a son.  
  
Lex silently followed Jonathon into the house. Martha didn't turn around when she heard the door opening. "I was about to call you. Your nose must have told you lunch . . . " her voice trailed off as she finally turned and saw Lex.  
  
"Mrs. Kent. Sorry to disturb lunch. I can . . . "  
  
Martha interrupted him, "Stay right here and help eat it. I fixed plenty."  
  
Lex tried to smile, but found he couldn't. "Thank you."  
  
Martha looked him in the eye and almost gasped. She had the thought that his eyes looked bruised from the pain in them. "Lex, sit down. Would you like something to drink?"  
  
"Nothing. I'm fine."  
  
Martha and Jonathon exchanged a look, knowing that the young man is anything but fine. "Would you like to talk?"  
  
"I was meaning to talk to Clark."  
  
"Then you're in luck," announced Clark as he walked through the door. "What's up?"  
  
"Let's eat first," suggested Martha, wanting to give Lex time to pull himself together before talking about something obviously painful.  
  
"I'm actually not real hungry."  
  
"You still need to eat. Please, Lex."  
  
Lex forced away the memory of Pam telling him the same thing after his mom's death. Knowing how stubborn any one of the Kent's, much less all three, could be, he nodded and sat back down at the table. Lex knew Martha was an excellent cook and wished he was in a mood to enjoy one of her home cooked meals. Of course, this was something he would never admit to anyone else. After a quiet lunch Lex and Clark went to the loft.  
  
"Is it Pamela? Is she worse?" Clark asked once they were comfortably seated.  
  
Lex took a deep, calming breathe before answering. "She's. . . gone."  
  
Clark noticed Lex couldn't bring himself to say she was dead. He felt the tears well up in his own eyes. He enjoyed his visits with Pam and found her to be smart and funny. He'd also learned that she was a good person and loved Lex very much.  
  
"I think what I'll miss most is being Alexander," Lex mused aloud.  
  
That had Clark curious, he'd always thought Lex hated that name. "Why, I thought. . ."  
  
"That I hated being called Alexander?"  
  
Clark answered with a nod. Sensing Lex was in the rare mood to talk about his past he didn't want to disrupt that.  
  
"For a very long time I did. Alexander was the hurt, lonely and scared little boy who'd lost, almost at once, the only two people who had ever truly loved and accepted him; one to death, one to believed betrayal. My father is the one who called me Lex, and after mom died and Pamela left I wanted to become Lex. Lex, was strong, Lex didn't let emotions get to him, Lex was Lionel's son. My father saw the vulnerable state I was in and took full advantage of turning me into Lex, and burying Alexander along with my mother. "  
  
"I think I understand."  
  
"That's why what I'll miss most about her is being Alexander. She never, and I mean never, treated me as Lex Luthor, heir to Lionel Luthor and Luthor Corps. She thought of me and treated me as Alexander, son of her friend Lillian. I'll admit there are times I love being Lex Luthor. The power and the "extra's". But I hate the yes men. I'm my father's son enough to love a challenge, and few people are willing to challenge a Luthor. Maybe one day I'll find someone who will be a true challenge for me. But, Pam, well, she challenged me to be better and she didn't lie to me and wouldn't let me lie to myself.  
  
I always have to worry what it is people want from me. Is the woman in my arms there because she wants me or so she can tell her friends she was with *the*Lex Luthor and maybe get her photo in the paper. You're the first person in years who I know is my friend for the sake of friendship, not what I can do for them. Pam was that way. She was never about what she could get from my mom, or me. If I had been so hurt and so young I'd have seen that and not believed my father's lies. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for that, and the lost years it cost us. I had to talk her into letting me help with her treatment."  
  
"Lex, you were a kid, you aren't to blame for believing your father. At that age you didn't know better. I know they say "you're your own worst critic" but you tend to take that to extremes. Give yourself a break, huh?"  
  
"Now you sound like her. But that's good. Like I loved that she didn't treat me as anything but a son of a friend I like that you treat me as a friend. Like her, you don't lie to and make it hard for me to lie to myself. I . . .value that. Thank you."  
  
Clark looked down to hide the guilt in his eyes. He hated lying to Lex, but, now more than ever felt it was necessary. He hoped Lex would read it as embarrassment at the compliment. He did.  
  
"Thanks, Lex. I just wish there was something I could do to help . . . You know that if there is anything all you have to do is ask."  
  
"Yes, Clark, I do know that. It's amazing, and different, to have a friend who wants to do something for me, not get something from me. Sorry if I'm still not used to that. But, there is something you can do."  
  
"Name it." Knowing how hard it is for Lex to ask for help he vowed to himself that whatever Lex asked he would do. He felt he owed it to Lex for all the lies he'd told him.  
  
Lex took a deep breath and looked his young friend in the eyes before answering. "Don't leave me. Everyone else I've ever allowed myself to get close to has left me. Julian, Mom, and now Pam. I don't think I could stand to lose you to. So, just, promise you won't leave me."  
  
Clark feels relief rush through him. Knowing his "invulnerability" this seems like an easy enough thing to promise his grieving friend. "I'm not going anywhere Lex. I promise I will always be here if you need a friend, a . . .brother."  
  
"That's all I need."  
  
Before he can say more the moment was disrupted by the ringing of his phone. Lex reluctantly answered it after checking his caller ID.  
  
"Dad. This is a surprise. To what occasion to I owe this call?" The sarcasm in his voice was so obvious that Clark couldn't keep the grin off his face.  
  
"Yes, I was there. Yes, I am fine. The arrangements are taken care of with my own funds. Thanks for the call but I'm in the middle of a . . .high level meeting. I'll have to call you back. Thanks for checking on me."  
  
Lex cut off the call and pocketed the phone.  
  
Clark raised his eyebrows. "High level meeting?"  
  
"Well, by Metropolis standards I guess the second floor loft isn't high level, but here in Smallville."  
  
The two friends chuckled and headed towards the stairs. "Thank you, Clark. It. . .felt good to laugh."  
  
"Don't start feeling guilty about that, Lex. I may not have known Pam that well, but I do know she wouldn't that. She'd want you to laugh and be happy, to live."  
  
"You're right. I'll . . .try."  
  
"Do you want to stay awhile?"  
  
"No. I do have an actual business meeting later and need to call and make sure the arrangements I made for Pamela have been done right."  
  
"Is there going to be a funeral?"  
  
"No. Pamela had no real family or close friends left. I've had them build a monument similar to, but at her request, smaller than my mothers; it's in her home town near her family graves."  
  
Clark said nothing. Not surprised at the news considering what he knew of Pam, and Lex. "I saw a big piece of my Mom's pie left. I'm sure she'd let you take it for later. And, you'd be doing dad and I a favor 'cause then she'll have to make a whole new one and we won't have to fight over the last piece."  
  
Lex shook his head slightly at Clark's obvious, but well intended, manipulation. "Well, I certainly wouldn't want you and your dad fighting, so I'll take the last piece, your mom is a talented cook."  
  
A grinning Clark led Lex into the house.  
  
The End  
  
Black Rose: Thank you. I did have fun coming up with stuff from Lex past.  
  
Pineapple: Thanks for the honest opinion. I'l keep it in mind when I write more for Lex, in this story or another.  
  
Tigerlily2035: Thank you for the kind words. I'm glad you like the story. 


End file.
